Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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