you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize