i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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