dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
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He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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