Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
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Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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