Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize