Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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