i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
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He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
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He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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