When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize