How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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