3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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