i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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