my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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