do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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