I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize