I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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