I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How naked do you want me to be?
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