grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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