dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
