and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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