I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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