the condom got lost in my hair
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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