we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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