if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Who died my cat blue again?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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