GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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