he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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