Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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