He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
