smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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