I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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