if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
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What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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