she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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