my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize