that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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