If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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