Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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