I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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