dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
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I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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