im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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