my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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