Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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