There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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