omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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