saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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