So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
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You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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