I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
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She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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