Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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