I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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