everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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