I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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