I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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