she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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