there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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