please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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